


Changes

by IvanW



Series: The Bond Between Series [6]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bonding, Character Death, Established Relationship, Family, Gay, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-01 13:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final story in The Bond Between Series.</p><p>This concerns the changes Kirk and Spock are facing as Kirk becomes an admiral, has to give up the Enterprise, and other life changing happenings (getting a Vulcan kid).</p><p>This story and series is now complete</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Added the Epilogue

“Admiral, I have Ambassador Spock wishing to speak with you,” Uhura said from my terminal in my room.

Admiral. Like I’d ever get used to that. Me? Admiral Kirk? I was too young for that, wasn’t I? Youngest captain and now youngest admiral.

“Thank you, Commander. Patch him through.”

I hadn’t spoken to Spock’s counterpart in too long so it was a pleasant surprise when he contacted me. It was mostly my fault, of course. I was always so busy.

“Spock!” I said as soon as the old face appeared before me.

“Yes, Jim?” My Spock came out of the bathroom.

“Oh. Um. No. The other Spock,” I explained with a smile.

Spock almost rolled his eyes. I would have sworn to it. “I see.” His gaze went to my terminal. He said nothing else, just went back into the bathroom.

I returned my own gaze to his counterpart. “How are you? It’s been too long.”

“Indeed. The last few times I have attempted to speak with you, you were unavailable.”

I winced. “I know, I’m really sorry. It’s these new duties.”

“I know you have other priorities,” the ambassador said. “I have heard that you will soon be on Earth, Jim.”

“That’s right. I have to attend some meetings.” I couldn’t help but grimace. “Actually that’s the part I really don’t like about the promotion. I’m going to be grounded.”

“Grounded”

“Yeah. I’m going to have to hand over my ship to someone else. I hate that.” I bit my lip. “I sometimes think I should have refused the promotion.”

The ambassador inclined his head. “I am uncertain they would have taken well to the refusal.”

“That was the implication I got, yes,” I admitted. “Anyway, what’s up?”  

“I will also be on Earth and would like to discuss with you in person a matter of importance.”

I frowned. “You aren’t sick, are you?”

“I am not at optimal health, Jim. Even Vulcans do not live forever.”

“I want them to.”

He smiled just a little. “I know. However, it is not my health I wish to speak about. I would like to speak with both you and Spock and I ask that, even if you are occupied much of the time, that you make time for this.”

“Of course we will.”

The ambassador nodded. “I will contact you on Earth, Jim. Live long and prosper.”

And then he was gone and I was left staring at the terminal wondering what the hell was going on.

Spock came out of the bathroom, as though he’d been lurking in there until his counterpart was gone. Seemed un-Spock-like though.

I turned in my chair to him and offered a smile. He came to me instantly and threaded his fingers through mine. “He wants to see us when we get to Earth.”

“Regarding?”

I shrugged. “You know how you Vulcans are. Mysterious. He didn’t say. Only that it was not about his health.”

“Perhaps he has a new mission for you on New Vulcan.”

“I don’t think so. Got the impression this was something personal. Not sure why.” I stood and put my arms around him, drawing him close. “I can’t believe I’ll be giving this up soon.”

“You may one day command another starship.” Spock said, kissing my forehead.

“Even if I do, it won’t be the Enterprise. This is _my_ damn ship, Spock.”

“I know. But Captain Decker is qualified. You said so yourself.”

“No one is qualified to take the Enterprise from me, Spock.” But I fastened my lips to his and let him help me to forget.

****

The two of us stepped off the shuttle and into the dock in San Francisco. Each step I took became heavier and heavier. All I wanted to do was fly around the galaxy but now here I was back on Earth and likely for a while. Saying goodbye to the Enterprise had nearly broken me.  If Spock had not been there it might have.

“Admiral Kirk, may we have an interview?" A reporter, a lady, immediately ran up to us, thrusting her microphone in my face.

“Two questions.”

“Admiral, do you think you’ll be satisfied at Starfleet headquarters instead of in space?”

I knew the game, of course. “I’m looking forward to new duties and new adventures right here in San Francisco.”

“Do you think Captain Decker is the right man to replace you as captain of the Enterprise?”

“Willard Decker is a fine man and he’ll make a great captain I am sure.”

“Admiral, what about—”

I held up my hand. “I said two questions. Excuse me.”

_You handled that well._

_You know me the perfect diplomat._

_I do not believe anyone could ever say that about you._

_It was sarcasm, Spock. God, I hate this._

_You will handle the duties of the admiralty as you have everything else._

As we stepped out of the shuttle bay a group of reporters headed toward us all talking at once.

Spock spoke up, “The admiral is tired from his journey and needs rest. If you will contact the office of the admiralty I am certain they will speak to you about scheduling future interviews with Admiral Kirk.”

_Thank you._

_Anything, T’hy’la._

  We’d been given a two bedroom suite in a hotel near Starfleet headquarters. It was temporary until we found a more permanent home, but I couldn’t deny the suite was breathtaking with its own kitchen, a king sized bed in the larger of the two rooms, a real water shower and whirlpool tub, and views of San Francisco that were pretty much unbeatable.

“Wow, they’re certainly going all out,” I said, staring out at the night from one of the windows. “Wonder how long they’ll be willing to pay for this.”

“There was no time limit given when they forwarded the arrangements to me.” Spock came to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me close. “We are having breakfast with the ambassador in the hotel dining room tomorrow.”

I nodded. “Right. And then in the afternoon I have to attend some ceremony to give me another commendation. And then a dinner with the other admirals.”

“You are distressed.” He nuzzled my ear.

“It’s just that me an admiral. That’s like…well I don’t even know what it’s like. I’m not management material, Spock. They’re making a huge mistake.”

“They are not. It is normal for a human to be anxious under these circumstances. Your anxiety is heightened by the knowledge at the end of this week you must officially declare Captain Decker in command of the Enterprise.”

I closed my eyes and leaned into him. “Yeah. Are you hungry?”

“I am not. But I can prepare something for you if you wish.”

“No. I just want to be here with you…holding me.”

And Spock pulled me closer still.   


	2. Chapter 2

“You did not sleep well,” Spock said as we made our way in the hotel’s lift to the first floor where the restaurant was located.

“I couldn’t shut my mind off,” I admitted.

“You should have awakened me and sought my help, T’hy’la. I could have helped you.”

“I’m fine, Spock.” I straightened my stiff feeling uniform. “Why can’t I dress like a regular person?”

“You are Admiral Kirk. And before that you were Captain Kirk. It has been years since you were a regular person, whatever that entails, and knowing what I know of you and your past it is my belief you were never a so-called regular person.”

I huffed. “Fine. But damn it’s uncomfortable.”

The lift doors opened and we stepped on to the polished tile floor. The restaurant was to the right so we headed in that direction. It was still early and not many people were about, but Spock stood next to me like a sentry watching for those that would bother me, likely reporters.

The ambassador waited for us just outside the restaurant. He wore simple brown robes tied at the waist with a robe. Sort of looked like a priest’s attire. He seemed quite a bit older than the last time I saw him on New Vulcan and my heart squeezed.

Spock, of course, noticed my distress immediately and pushed love, comfort, and a soothing understanding at me through our bond. His fingers brushed mine.

“Spock,” I said as I hugged the older Vulcan tight. He felt so damn fragile in my arms but I dared not show my dismay at this and instead smiled brightly at him. “Have you been waiting long?”

“Only five point three minutes, Jim.” He returned my hug and then he and Spock exchanged the finger thing all Vulcans did. The Ta’al or whatever it was called.

_Yes, the Ta’al,_

_Mind reader._

_Just your mind, T’hy’la._

“Let’s get a table,” I said as we walked up to the hostess, a Tellarite.

When we had all been seated I had a moment as I observed the ambassador where I wondered if perhaps he came to give us dire news of his illness after all. He really was a lot frailer than last I saw him.

A waiter came by to take our drink orders and I ordered coffee while my two Vulcans ordered tea.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” I blurted out when he had left our table.

The ambassador seemed vaguely amused. “My death is not imminent if that is your concern, Jim. But I am a rather old man. Not necessarily by Vulcan standards but definitely by my human half.”

“Then what is it? You know I’ve been dying of curiosity ever since you first asked to meet us.”

“Jim, perhaps we should order first before you go on the attack,” Spock suggested.

I made a face at him but nodded. “Okay. But you know I’m not very patient.”

“Yes,” they both said at once and I had to laugh.

The waiter came back with our drinks and then I ordered ham and eggs, Spock ordered a plate of steamed vegetables, and the ambassador ordered a vegetarian omelet.

When the waiter left, I turned to Spock, “Really? That’s what you’re going to eat? Geez, and you complain I don’t eat enough.”

“I like vegetables,” Spock replied.

I rolled my eyes and looked at the ambassador. “Okay, now can we talk about it?”

He nodded. “What are you and Spock intending to do about a more permanent place to reside?”

“Once the admiral is settled into his new role, we will look for an apartment near Starfleet headquarters,” Spock said, sipping from his tea.

It amused me that Spock often still spoke of me with my title. It was cute.

“I am hoping that you will choose a large apartment with more than one bedroom,” the ambassador said.

I laughed. “You want to live with us?”

He inclined his head. “I would not object to that, but no. I would like to propose someone to live with you, however.”

I blinked in surprise. “What? Who?”

“Suvoc.”

I glanced at Spock but he seemed as puzzled as I was. “What or who is Suvoc?”

“Jim, you once spoke of your desire to raise a Vulcan child.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Suvoc is half-Vulcan, half-human just like Spock,” the ambassador explained. “And myself. His father was human but died shortly before Suvoc’s birth.”

“Where is Suvoc’s mother?” Spock asked.

“She has died. Her name was T’Mautlan. She was not on Vulcan when it was destroyed but all of her family was and are dead. Suvoc does not have any living relative to claim him and because of his mixed heritage there is a reluctance for anyone to raise him. I thought of you and Spock because I was certain that Spock would be willing to raise Suvoc in the Vulcan way which was his mother’s wish. I also knew that you would not be averse to this, Jim.”

The waiter arrived with our food but now all I could do was stare at the elder Vulcan. “Seriously?”

“I realize it is a large commitment to raise a Vulcan child. Suvoc is seven, almost eight. Had you still been on the Enterprise I would not even suggest this. I must continue my work on New Vulcan and I am too old to take on the task of raising a young Vulcan boy.” The ambassador looked beyond us to the entrance of the restaurant. He gestured with his hand. “Here is Suvoc now.”

“Oh, my God, what? Wait.”

“I thought it might be best for you to meet each other to see if you would find the arrangement compatible,” the old Vulcan said calmly.

I licked my lips and swallowed, and then turned in my chair to see a human woman walking toward us with a very serious looking Vulcan boy of the approximate age the ambassador had mentioned. He was dressed all in black and if there was any human in him, I could not see it for his face was as expressionless as any Vulcan’s I’d seen.

They stopped at our table and the child gazed openly at me and Spock.

“This is Suvoc.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Live long and prosper, Admiral Kirk, Commander Spock,” Suvoc greeted them. His fingers, small and thin, were raised in the perfect Ta’al.

I exchanged a look with Spock.

_Help._

_It will be fine, T’hy’la._

“Will you join us, Suvoc?” Spock asked, gesturing to an empty seat at our table.

Suvoc bowed and took the seat without comment.

The ambassador spoke to Suvoc’s escort, “You may leave us now. I will contact you if your assistance is required again.”

She nodded and walked away from our table.

“As you can tell, I have advised Suvoc of your identities,” the elder Vulcan said.

“I have studied your life since birth to the present day, Admiral Kirk,” Suvoc said, turning to stare at me. “I also studied the lives of your birth parents, George and Winona Kirk, as well as that of your stepfather, Frank, and your brother, Sam, who you have had no contact with for ten point five years.”

My lips twitched. “You are quite thorough, Suvoc.”

He turned to Spock. “I have likewise studied your life, Commander Spock, from birth, and that of your father, Sarek, and your mother, the human, Amanda Grayson. You were raised to be Vulcan as was I. But you chose a human bondmate, Admiral Kirk.”

“Given the compatibility of our minds, it was logical,” Spock told him.

_That and I am hot as hell, right?_

_Yes, that too._

“Jim, I am aware that you have just arrived on Earth and have many meetings and duties to attend to,” the ambassador spoke up.

“That is true.”

“However, I thought perhaps Suvoc could stay with you and Spock for a couple of days so that the three of you can get to know each other better and see if such an arrangement as I have proposed will be agreeable,” the old Vulcan said smoothly.

“Well, um, I, uh.” I was at a loss of words. Whatever I had expected the crafty older version of Spock to say—here’s a kid—had not been it. And I did have a ton of things to do and I had thought to do them with Spock by my side as always but if we had a child to watch Spock would have to stay behind.

Really I was opening my mouth to say the whole thing was not a good idea. When I had said maybe we’d have a Vulcan kid someday I hadn’t been serious. Had I? And certainly not this soon. And one who was already…well whatever Suvoc was. Set in his Vulcan ways?

But then I looked at his little Vulcan face. His eyes so dark and serious. Kind of a look like he expected no one would want him, even though really his expression was as blank as any Vulcan’s. I had learned to read their expressionless expressions though and I saw what Suvoc was thinking. What he was expecting. And I could not, would not do it. I was the unwanted child once.

_Spock, can you watch him while I am in meetings?_

_Of course, T’hy’la. You wish to do this?_

_I don’t know. But I can’t turn that little face down. Can you?_

_No. We are agreed._

“Sounds like a plan,” I said brightly. Suvoc blinked, rather in surprise, but the ambassador seemed very pleased with himself. I wanted to kick him under the table. “I have a few minutes before I have my first meeting. Why don’t we finish up here and bring him upstairs to our room? Suvoc, do you have belongings?”

Suvoc nodded. “I have a small case with necessary clothing and hygienic items.”

“Okay then. Ambassador, I assume you are paying for breakfast?”

One eyebrow arched. “As you wish, Jim.”

****

As we made our way up the lift to our hotel room I was glad Starfleet had given me a suite with more than one bedroom. Suvoc would be able to stay in the second one. It would work temporarily, but the ambassador was right, Spock and I would have to find a more permanent residence and if we did take in Suvoc it would have to accommodate the three of us. I would need at least one room for an office as well.

When we reached our room a tall, thin, pretty blonde with her hair pulled back into a tight bun stood outside the room. She smiled when she saw us.

“Admiral Kirk?”

“Yes.”

“Ensign Lucy Owens, sir. I have been assigned as your personal assistant.”

Spock stiffened next to me. “I request to see your orders, Ensign.”

_Really, Spock?_

_Really, Admiral._

Her smile didn’t dim as she handed a PADD over to Spock. “Here you are, Commander. I was appointed the admiral’s assistant through Admiral Stiles. I’m to accompany him to his meetings and take care of anything he needs.”

Spock handed her the PADD. “Your orders appear to be accurate.”

“Thank you, Ensign,” I said. “Can you give me a moment? I’m kind of in the middle of something. Why don’t you meet me in the lobby?”

“Aye, sir. Admiral, Commander.” She nodded to the ambassador and Suvoc and then walked down the hall toward the lift.

_Don’t be jealous, Spock._

_I am not._

_You are, I feel it._

_She was attracted to you._

_I’m not attracted to her._

_Jim._

_All right, so she’s cute. I’m still not interested. I’m interested in you._

Spock opened the door of our hotel room and I let the three Vulcans into the room ahead of me.

“This room is quite efficient,” the ambassador declared, which I knew for a Vulcan was a ringing endorsement.

“It has an awesome view too.”

The Spocks ignored this but Suvoc went to the window and looked out. He said nothing though. I came to stand next to him.

“Where was your father from, Suvoc? Do you know?”

“My mother said my father was from Pennsylvania.”

“Do you want to see where you will be staying?” I asked him.

He inclined his head. “If agreeable, Admiral.”

“You can call me Jim. Come on.”

He followed me to the other room in the suite as did Spock and the ambassador. Suvoc glanced around the room and set his small bag on the bed.

“It is sufficient for my needs,” Suvoc declared seriously.

“Admiral, it is time for you to leave for your meeting,” Spock told me.

I nodded. “What about you, Spock?” I asked the ambassador. “Where are you staying?”

“I am staying with a friend who has a small apartment near here,” he replied.

I frowned. “Really? Who?”

“Dr. McCoy.”

“What?” I laughed. “Bones? You’re staying with Bones? How the hell did you arrange that?”

The ambassador sort of shrugged. “I asked.”

“He asked.” I rolled my eyes.

“Admiral.”

“Yes, yes. I know. I’m going. Suvoc, I’ll see you later.”

Spock walked with me to the door.

“Are you sure you don’t mind me bailing on you?”

“Bailing on me?”

I sighed. “Never mind. I’ll check in with you later.” I held out two fingers and Spock extended his in the Vulcan kiss and then I left to meet Ensign Owens in the lobby.


	4. Chapter 4

I’d just finished an early dinner with the other admirals and was finally about to leave headquarters and return to the hotel. I’d contacted Spock a couple of times during the day to find out how things were going with Suvoc, but damn it had been a long day and I was fucking tired.

Ensign Owens still trailed me like my damn shadow. When I spotted Captain Willard Decker heading toward me, I stopped and turned to Owens. “That will be all for today, Ensign.”

“But Admiral—”

“Dismissed, Ensign.”

She nodded. “Yes, admiral.”

I watched her walk away toward the exit doors of headquarters. I would have to talk to Stiles later. I didn’t need an assistant at my beck and call. It was annoying.

“Admiral Kirk,” Decker greeted me.

“Hi, Will.” I shook his hand. It seemed a little strange to have someone maybe a year or so younger than me refer to me as admiral, but I guessed that was the way of things now.

“How are you, sir?” Decker was a little taller and slimmer than me with slightly blonder hair.

“I’m fine, Will. You?”

“I’m good. Very excited about my new duties.”

I smiled. “I’m sure. The Enterprise is a great ship. You’re lucky to get command of her.”

“And I understand I have you to thank for that, Admiral. You recommended me.”

“Yeah, if I have to turn her over to someone, I thought you’d be a great choice.”

He studied me for a moment. “I know this must be difficult for you, sir. I’ve already spoken to most of her crew and they conveyed to me their extreme admiration for you as their captain. In fact, some of them wanted to refuse to serve under anyone else.”

I waved that away. “They’ll get over it. It’s all part of being in Starfleet. Command changes all the time.”

“Well, I have to choose a new first officer and a new chief medical officer,” Decker said with a smile. “There are two crew members who would not stay.”

“With Spock it’s all part of the bonded husband thing,” I said. “Bones has never liked being in space and now that I won’t be there he’s using it as an excuse. I’m sure whoever you choose will work out great for you.”

“I hope so. I won’t keep you, sir. I will see you at the end of the week when I am officially given command.”

I forced a smile but inside my heart ached. “Yeah, definitely. See you, Will. Take care.”

“Goodnight, Admiral.”

I took out my communicator.

“Jim?” Bones’ voice came on less than a minute later.

“Hey, how are you doing over there?”

“You sound sad.”

“I’m at headquarters. Just ran into Decker.”

Bones sighed. “Tell me why you accepted that promotion again?”

“Beats the hell out of me. I guess maybe I thought I could continue to command the Enterprise as an admiral. They had different ideas.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re living with Spock, huh?”

“I’m not living with him,” Bones said with a snort. “He’s staying here a few days. And he’s a pain in the ass like all Spocks.”

I laughed. “Can’t really argue with that. But they are lovable.”

“Says you.”

“You know about Suvoc then.”

“Yeah, I met him. Cute kid. Very Spock-like.” Bones snorted. “He told me he researched me and my parents, too.”

“Same here. I don’t know, Bones. Do you really think Spock and I can raise a kid?”

“Why not? You raised most of the crew when they were barely older than kids. Hell, you were a kid. For that matter, you still _are_ a kid.”

My communicator beeped. “Shit, that’s Spock. I gotta go. Can we do lunch tomorrow or something?”

“Yeah, you just let me know when.”

“I will. Thanks, Bones.” I hit the button. “Spock, hey.”

“I was expecting you home thirty minutes ago,” Spock said.

“Yeah, sorry, got held up in that dinner with the admirals and then I ran into Decker. Was just talking to Bones. I’m on my way now. How is Suvoc?”

“We are having tea.”

I smiled. “Of course. I’ll be there soon. Kirk out.”

****

I found them sitting at the kitchen bar, both sitting rigidly still, their backs ramrod straight, on the stools. Before each of them was a steaming cup of lemony smelling tea. I couldn’t help but find them fucking adorable. Lord, I really was becoming a softie.

“Admiral Kirk,” Suvoc said. “I trust you had a satisfactory day.”

“Jim,” I automatically reminded him. “And sure, it was.” I went to Spock and gave him a quick kiss.

Suvoc stared at us. “This is a human kiss.”

“Sure is. Although I think other species kiss this way too. Orions, Andorians—”

“Jim,” Spock said sternly.

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway. How did your day go?” I sat at another stool to Suvoc’s left.

“Commander Spock went over much of Earth’s history with me. We also covered many of your space missions.” Suvoc took a sip of his tea. “I have determined that you do not seem to value your own personal safety based on the evidence produced by Commander Spock.”

“Well, I—“ I shut my mouth. Spock watched me with one raised brow and Suvoc also stared at me with a certain Vulcan expectation. Great. How was I supposed to survive two Vulcans anyway? “I would like to think I have learned a few things since my early days.”

Suvoc nodded. “I would like to think so also, Admiral, but evidence presented suggests otherwise.”

And then I swore Spock was smiling, the smug bastard. I cleared my throat. “Um, did you guys have dinner?”

“Affirmative,” Suvoc answered. “We had Plomeek soup.”

I made a face. “You eat that stuff too?”

“Of course he does,” Spock said. “And you, Jim? What did you eat?”

“Oh, you know, whatever.”

“You had a hamburger again, did you not?” Spock asked.

“Well, yeah. But it was small.”

“You are not a vegetarian?” Suvoc asked.

“Not really, no.”

Suvoc looked to Spock. “You are certain you are compatible with the admiral?”

“Hey, now, wait a second.”

“I mean no disrespect, Admiral Kirk,” Suvoc assured me. “It is merely a matter of curiosity.”

Spock nodded. “We are very compatible. We are Telsu. He is my T’hy’la.”

“Then I comprehend, Commander Spock. It is logical.”

I was seriously getting a headache.

“Do you wish to consume tea as well, Admiral Kirk?”

“Jim, Suvoc. Geez, kid. I get enough of that admiral crap at HQ. And sure, why not? Can’t beat them, join them.”

“Beat us?” Suvoc asked. “You would resort to physical violence?”

I groaned.

Spock took pity on me. “It is one of those peculiar human expressions.”

“Oh.” Suvoc nodded. “I will prepare your tea…Jim.”     

 


	5. Chapter 5

I knocked on Suvoc’s open door. He sat stiffly on the bed staring through the window of the room.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“My name is Suvoc.”

“Kiddo is like a human endearment.”

“I see.”

“Can I come in?”

“This is your hotel suite, Jim. You can go anywhere.”

I smiled. “I know, but this is your room and I don’t want to interrupt your privacy.”

“I do not require privacy at this time.”

I went over to the bed and sat next to him on the edge looking out at the night sky. “We haven’t really gotten much chance to talk.”

Suvoc nodded. “Your duties required your attention.”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry about your mom.”

“You are not at fault for her passing therefore it is illogical for you to offer your apology.”

I repressed a sigh. “Suvoc, this is something you’ll need to learn if you’re going to live on Earth now.”

“Yes, Jim?”

“When something bad happens, like your mother’s death, humans say they are sorry. They aren’t apologizing for being at fault, they are saying they feel bad for you, they sympathize with your pain.” I paused. “It’s like when Vulcans say, I grieve with thee.”

“I see. Most curious.”

“Would you prefer I say I grieve with thee?”

Suvoc shook his head. “It is illogical to expect you to be something other than what you are.”

We fell silent for a moment, then I said, “You must miss her.”

“She…her presence was comforting,” he said quietly.

I didn’t know what to say to that. My heart was breaking for him. “Did she talk much about your father?”

“She advised me that he was a scientist as she was. They met on the planet, Crimeria, where they both studied the native plant population. He was a most logical human.” Suvoc hesitated and glanced at me. “I have a holo picture of him.”

I blinked. “You do? With you?”

Suvoc nodded and rose from the bed. He went to the little black bag he had brought with him and then sat on the bed next to me again. He handed me the holo picture. It was of a young, smiling dark haired man who seemed way too young to have died. My heart squeezed in my chest.

“I know it is illogical to keep the image of someone I have never known nor will I ever know,” Suvoc said.

“Come with me,” I said, rising from the bed. I knew he would follow me without question and he did. Spock glanced at us briefly as we walked through the main room of the suite where he was doing work on his PADD. I went into our room to one of my own bags. “Sit,” I told him and Suvoc sat on the edge of our bed.

I handed him a holo picture with a smiling blond man. “That’s my dad, George Kirk.”

Suvoc’s gaze rose to meet mine, his dark gaze very intense. “You carry his picture also.”

“I do. That’s something you and I have in common. Never knowing our fathers. I’ll never know mine either, but I like having his picture. It tells me something about him anyway. Like at one point he was happy. And from what I see in the picture of your dad, he was happy, too.”

He was quiet, simply staring at the two pictures he now held. “Vulcans do not feel happiness.”

“Well, I happen to know that’s bullshit, Suvoc.”

He looked at me in surprise.

“Yeah, you heard me, kiddo. You go out and ask Spock if he is happy. You ask other Spock if he was happy with his bondmate. I bet your mom was happy when you were born and I bet she was even happy with your dad in the time they had. Yeah, sure, you suppress your emotions, Suvoc, but you can feel and have happiness.” I took my dad’s picture as he handed it back to me. “And let me tell you something else. If you decide you want to live with me and Spock, I sure as hell intend to do my damnedest to make you happy. What do you say to that?”

His little eyebrow rose in a perfect imitation of Spock’s. “I would say that is most illogical.”

I grinned and ruffled his dark hair. “It sure is. It’s probably late and you’ve had a big day. You should probably go to bed and sleep or meditate or whatever.”

We rose from the bed and made our way across the suite, Spock once more eying us as we went, until we reached Suvoc’s room.

“I’m having lunch with Bones tomorrow, you wanna come?”

“Who is Bones?”

“Dr. McCoy. You met him.”

Suvoc nodded. “Bones is an unusual first name even for humans. I was certain I was told it was Leonard. Was I given incorrect information?”

I laughed. “Nah, it’s not his first name. I just call him Bones.”

Suvoc stared at me as though he wasn’t quite sure what to make of me.

“Wanna come have lunch or not? Spock might come, too. Both Spocks. My Spock and the other Spock.” Now I was babbling. No wonder he looked as though he thought I had lost my mind.

“That would be agreeable, Admiral Kirk.”

I sighed. “Are we back to that? Jim.”

“Very well. That would be agreeable, Jim.”

****

When I came out of the bathroom after a shower, Spock was waiting for me in our room, sitting up in bed.

“How did your meetings go?”

“Okay, I guess. Kind of boring. Lots of bureaucratic shit. I’m pretty sure Stiles likes the sound of his own voice.” I crawled onto the bed next to him and lay my head on his chest. “Ensign Owens drove me kind of nuts.”

“How so?” He reached for my hand and entwined our fingers.

“She was by my side constantly. I’m kind of surprised she didn’t follow me into the bathroom stall. I’m not sure if she’s an assistant or my fucking bodyguard.”

“I looked into her background, she appears to be efficient.”

“You did?”

“Of course. I look into the background of anyone that comes into contact with you, Jim. I have been doing so for years.”

“Well, I don’t really think I need an assistant. I don’t need someone by my side constantly.”

“I was always by your side.”

“That was totally different. I still want you by my side.” I closed my eyes and sighed. “Are we really going to do this?”

“Clarify.”

“Me being a paper pushing admiral and us taking in a kid.”

“We do not have to make a determination about Suvoc tonight, T’hy’la.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready, Spock. And I don’t mean ready for Suvoc. I mean the other. Being grounded. Every time I think about handing over the Enterprise to Will Decker I can barely breathe. It’s like a physical ache.”

“Whatever path you take, Jim, you will always succeed. And I will follow you as ever.”

I smiled and kissed his chest. “I know. I’m so damn lucky. We’re all going to lunch with Bones tomorrow.”

“Indeed?”

“Yeah and since we’ll be outnumbered by Vulcans, at least if the other you comes—”

“He is not me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, we can pick a vegetarian restaurant.”

“Dr. McCoy will not be pleased.”

“He can survive.” I leaned up on my arms to study his face. “I love you.”

“And I you.”


	6. Chapter 6

We met Bones and Spock’s counterpart at a little vegetarian restaurant in Sausalito. I had wanted to wear regular clothes but Spock reminded me I was supposed to go speak at the academy afterward and didn’t have time to change.

Spock wore gray slacks, a white sweater and a leather jacket. He looked so fucking hot I wanted to attack him, but of course I could not. Suvoc wore the same black clothes he’d worn the day before. Well, they looked the same. Perhaps all his clothes looked the same, I didn’t really know.

He walked solemnly into the restaurant between Spock and me. Bones and the elder Spock had already arrived. Bones, dressed plainly in jeans, a T-shirt and a jacket, looked irritated. In other words his usual expression. Whereas the older Vulcan wore brown robes, similar to what he’d worn the day before. The ambassador looked his usual serene self.

“Hey, Bones. Spock.” I clapped the ambassador on the arm and then drew Bones to the side. “Are you mad? You look mad?”

“Damn it, Jim I was looking forward to a steak. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had real food at a real restaurant?”

“I know, Bones, but there are three of them. I didn’t want them to feel awkward.”

Bones huffed. “This is all for Spock. It’s always for Spock.”

“Well, he _is_ my husband you know. And it’s not just for him. There’s Suvoc to think about now too.”

Bones rolled his eyes.

“Come on. We’re outnumbered. You can find something to eat here. Please?” I gave him my best puppy dog look.

“For Christ’s sake, fine. Fine. But you owe me a steak.”

I smiled. “Absolutely. And, um, can you be extra nice to the kid?”

“Sure, sure.”

“Maybe you can give him permission to call you by your first name,” I suggested.

“Give him permission—”

“Come on, Bones. For me. He’s a cute kid. And you know, you can be his Uncle Bones.” I grinned.

Bones smiled. “All right, all right. Get out of my way, the hobgoblins are waiting.”

We walked over to where they stood. Spock arched a brow at me.

_Everything all right, T’hy’la?_

_Yeah, just Bones being Bones._

_Very well._

Spock stuck his two fingers discreetly toward me as the hostess took us to a table and I met them with mine in a Vulcan kiss no one else seemed to notice.

“So, kid, how are you fitting in over there in that fancy hotel with Jim and Spock?” Bones asked Suvoc.

I sat down and rather than sit next to me, Spock left the seat between us vacant. I was about to ask him about it when Suvoc took the vacant seat between us.

 _Ah_.

Bones glanced at the seat next to me and then the seat next to Spock. I was surprised when he sat next to Spock leaving the one next to me for Spock’s counterpart. I thought perhaps Bones had a soft heart buried in there some place. He must have guessed the ambassador wished to sit near me.

I patted the old Vulcan’s hand affectionately. “How do you feel?”

“I am well enough, Jim.”

“Don’t give me that. How are you? Tell me the truth.”

He hesitated. “I find myself getting fatigued more than I used to. It is a natural part of advanced age, Jim. It even happens to Vulcans eventually.”

I bit my lip. “I know. I just…stick around for a while longer, okay?”

He looked amused. “I intend to try.”

“I give you permission to use my first name,” Bones said from across the table drawing my attention away from the ambassador.

“Is it your preference to be called Leonard or Bones?” Suvoc asked very seriously.

Bones blushed. He actually blushed. To my delight. “You can call me Bones if you want.”

Suvoc nodded. “Very well, Bones. It is a most unusual moniker, is it not? May I inquire as to its origin?”

“It came from Jim,” Bones told him. “Started when we first met and sort of stuck.”

“Is it your practice, Jim, to give your friends and acquaintances unique nicknames?” Suvoc asked me.

I shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

“Yet you have called me Kiddo and I heard you refer to Commander Spock as Sweetie on more than one occasion.”

“Well, yeah, um, those are more like endearments, not nicknames. A nickname would be if I called Spock something like Spocko.”

“Which you most definitely will not,” Spock said sharply.

I smiled. “No, no, I won’t.”

Suvoc stared at me with his serious dark eyes. “It is most curious that you have an issue with using given names.”

“I don’t have an _issue_ , Suvoc. It’s just something humans do sometimes. Or I do anyway. And by the way, Spock calls me endearments as well, so it isn’t just humans.”

Suvoc turned his gaze to Spock who was flushed slightly green. “Fascinating,” the child said.

I picked up my menu. “What are you going to get, Suvoc?”

“The steamed vegetable plate. Commander Spock and I are going to share it,” he told me.

I barely refrained from making a face. “Sounds delicious.”

The ambassador looked Vulcan amused. “I am going to have the Plomeek soup. It is surprising but pleasing to find it on the menu.”

Bones scowled and muttered something that sounded rather like nasty. Then he looked at me. “What are you gonna have?”

“Um, the truffle pasta, I guess.”

“Have you determined whether it contains ingredients with which you are allergic?” Spock asked me.

Bones scanned the ingredients. “It appears to be fine if it’s just what’s listed here. I have hypos with me just in case, though. Okay, I’m having that too.”

Suvoc turned his attention back to me. “I have studied a list of plants, herbs, and animals you are allergic to as well.”

“You have?”

He nodded. “It is a significant list but I have memorized it.”

“Oh.” I nodded. “Good.”

I didn’t know if it was good or not. I already had a Vulcan mate who watched what I ate, wasn’t sure I needed a mini-Vulcan doing the same. We ordered and pretty soon the Spocks started arguing with Bones while Suvoc listened intently and I sort of drifted off into my own little world, going over the speech I had to give at the academy. Distantly I heard Bones utter a few hobgoblins and something about them ganging up on him.

“Admiral Kirk.”

I blinked and looked at Suvoc. “Yeah?”

“I have been attempting to gain your attention for some time.”

I felt my face heat. “Sorry, kid. Um, Suvoc. What is it?”

“I wished to know if I may accompany you to Starfleet Academy. Commander Spock has advised that you will be speaking there and I would like to be permitted to observe you.”

“Well, I’m going to be speaking so I can’t really watch you.”

Suvoc nodded. “I do not require watching, however, Commander Spock would accompany me.”

“Okay, if it’s all right with Spock, I don’t object to your being there.”

“You are…not what I expected,” Suvoc said, continuing to stare at me intently.

I laughed. “Yeah? What did you expect?”

“An illogical, brash, excitable, yet intelligent human.”

“Uh, and I am not those?”

Suvoc shook his head. “No, you are all of those. But you are also…fascinating.”

“Good to know.”

“I acknowledge when Ambassador Spock first spoke to me of you, I was surprised by his admiration for your qualities.”

I raised both eyebrows. “Were you?”

“Affirmative. It seemed his affection for you was most illogical. However, in our short acquaintance I have begun to—” Suvoc paused, looking thoughtful. “What is the human colloquialism? Come around to his way of thinking.”

“I think that’s good. Right? That’s good?”

Suvoc nodded solemnly.

“Does that mean you think it might be acceptable to stay with me and Spock?”

“I would be amenable.”

I smiled. “We’ll keep that in mind. Here comes the food,” I said, kind of glad to be saved from more serious conversation.

****

When I finished my speech at the Academy, Spock and Suvoc were waiting for me outside the study hall. I had been aware of their presence at the back of the room when I had been speaking to the students.

“Admiral Kirk!”

I turned as a fresh faced young woman came hurrying over to me. I noticed she was with several other female students but they held back, looking at me from a greater distance. They all looked a bit dazed.

“Yes, cadet?”

“Amy Warner, sir. Admiral.” She sort of giggled.

I blinked and took a step back. “What can I do for you, Cadet Warner?”

“I wonder if I could get your autograph,” she said, pushing a piece of white paper in my face.

“My…autograph?”

“Uh-huh. Please?”

“But what for?”

Her eyes widened. “Because you’re famous, sir. And…and so hot. Oh, my God, I can’t believe I just said that.” She giggled and so did her friends standing nearby.

_Spock? Help._

_Perhaps if you signed her paper, Admiral, she will go away?_

_Geez._

I smiled and took the paper from her hands and signed my name. She snatched it from me, her fingers caressing my hand as she took the paper.

“Thank you so much, Admiral.”

“Sure. Have a good day, Cadet.”

As I stepped around her all the girls broke into giggles again. I stopped next to Spock and Suvoc.

“Well, that was awkward.”

“Humans are very unseemly in their behavior,” Suvoc commented. “You are well known throughout the Federation, however, it is also well known that you are bonded to Commander Spock. She touched your hand inappropriately.”

“Yeah, I know. Strange girl.” I cleared my throat and moved in front of Suvoc so he could cease staring at the girls with the equivalent of a Vulcan glare. “So, what did you two think of my speech?”

“It was adequate,” Suvoc said.

I rolled my eyes. “Adequate. Great. Was it adequate for you, too, Spock?”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Indeed.”

I sighed. “Come on, let’s go home.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a scene here this chapter that was written because Pinto4ever kept asking.

“Are you cold?”

“It is San Francisco. I am always cold,” Spock said, seeming to sink down more into his imitation wool coat. He pulled the beanie he wore further down over his ears.

We were walking along the pier, just the two of us. It was a cold, windy day with a few puffy clouds over the bay. We were both dressed as civilians, for which I was happy to be out of the uniform for the first time in days.

“Sorry,” I apologized, looping my arm with his. “I thought a walk together to clear our heads and talk would be good for us. I should have realized it would be too cold for you.”

Spock nodded. “It is true you often fail to think things through.”

“Is that your way of telling me I am selfish and don’t consider your needs?”

He inclined his head. “Sometimes. But after all this time together I have come to accept the way you are.”

“Gack, you make me sound like such a dick.”

“You are not. I am quite certain there are some things about me you find less than ideal as well.”

I shrugged. “Maybe, but they are too small to be significant.”

“Indeed. I agree. I would not change anything about you, Jim.”

“Well, that’s good to know.” I snuggled closer to him. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“I am gratified to be so.”

We lapsed into silence for a moment, stopping to look out at the ocean.

“What are we going to do about the kid?” I finally asked.

“You did mention wanting a Vulcan child at some point.”

I nodded. “Right, when we were done flying around the galaxy. And I thought, you know, like an infant we could raise together. Maybe they wouldn’t look at me with quite such Vulcan disdain if I was around since the start.”

“It is illogical for Vulcans to disdain.”

I rolled my eyes. “Have you seen T’Pau? Lord, I think she invented the concept of Vulcan disdain.”

Spock studied me, his dark brown eyes very intense. “Jim, I do not believe Suvoc feels disdain for you.”

“No, I don’t think he does either. Not really. It’s just he already has preconceived ideas of what humans are like.”

My bondmate reached for my hand and I took it gratefully. “Then you must change those preconceived ideas. As you have done with me. As you have done with my father. There are several Vulcans who greatly admire you for all that you have done for them. With your help, Suvoc would learn of the many admirable qualities humans have.”

“Then you want to keep him?” I asked.

“He is not a stray dog, Jim, it is not as simple as _keeping_ him. But I amenable to raising him with you.”

“Were you like he is when you were small?”

“In some ways. I had both my parents, of course. But I did know the struggles of being from two worlds. It is preferable he knows from both of us.”

“Sounds like you’re pretty sure of that decision.”

“Only if you are in agreement. It has to be something we are both willing to do. If you are not, then we will say no.”

I sighed. “I don’t get to make all decisions. If you want to do this—”

“T’hy’la, do you wish to do this with Suvoc or not?”

I thought about Suvoc’s serious little face and how he carried around a holo picture of his father. I knew Vulcans felt probably better than most other humans knew. I knew they felt very deeply actually. And since I was being grounded anyway, maybe now was a good time.

“Yeah,” I finally said. “I guess I do.”

Spock nodded. “Very well. Can we go back to the hotel now?”

I laughed. “Yeah, but don’t you want to go pick Suvoc up from Bones’ apartment first?”

My Vulcan arched a brow. “I thought since we have someone to watch him we could take advantage and have a hot shower first.”

I stared at him, my groin instantly tightening with arousal. “Oh, my God. I love that mind of yours.”

Spock sort of smirked. “I thought you might.”

****

I turned on the real hot water in the hotel shower and stuck my hand in the spray to make sure the temperature would be perfect for Spock. I had already removed my clothes and now stood in the large bathroom wearing only a big fluffy robe.

Spock walked into the bathroom with nothing on and I couldn’t keep from gaping at him. I doubt I’d ever get used to having such a beautiful man belong to me.

Amusement thrummed through the bond and he offered his fingers which I met. They tingled where skin touched skin.

“Why are you all wrapped up in my robe?” Spock asked.

“It smells like you,” I said with a smile. “Plus I wanted to present you with a tempting package.”

“I am always tempted by you,” Spock told me. His eyes became somehow darker and more intense as he stared at me with lust clear in his gaze. His hands gripped the lapels of the robe and he lowered it from my shoulders. “You have the lubricant?”

I licked my lips. “Already in the shower.”

“Where you should be.”

The robe was dropped from my body to the floor. Spock’s gaze raked over me with aching slowness, stopping briefly at my erection. Then he said in a deceptively calm voice, “Turn around.”

I obeyed instantly and I felt the desire spike through the bond. Felt Spock’s intent stare at my backside. His hands moved there, his fingers digging into the cheeks. And then he was pushing me into the shower, under the hot spray, his arms wrapping tight around my waist as we both stood there, letting the water wash over us. It was a rare thing, even on Earth to have water showers.

Spock leaned in and sunk his teeth into the cord of my neck and I couldn’t hold back a moan. If he hadn’t been holding me up, my knees would have buckled. Then he slammed me forward against the tile. I splayed my hands out to brace myself as I heard the snap of the lube bottle opening.

Only a slicked thumb ran down the crease between my cheeks and the slowly the tip of his thumb entered me, probing. I closed my eyes and panted.

“Spock, oh God, yes. Please.”

I felt the push of his index finger inside me, slowly sawing into me. I opened my mouth against the wet tile, pushing back against his questing finger. The bond thrummed deep and I felt him wrapping around me inside my head, finding my pleasure points.

“Spock, Spock, oh fuck, that’s not—not fair.”

“You wish me to stop, T’hy’la?”

“Don’t you dare.”

The fingers withdrew and I whimpered, but he hushed me and pushed his cock inside me with one hard and deep thrust. I scrambled for purchase against the slippery tile as he slammed into my body just as he slammed into my mind, stroking my pleasure points with his mind, his manipulations until I was quivering and shaking and screaming with my need.

Spock growled low as he took me and it just increased my own lust, my own want. My cock was leaking pre-cum and was so hard and so aroused I knew it wouldn’t be long before I came even without touching it.

Love…desire…comfort…need…forever flowed back and forth between us through the bond.

And then I was coming as Spock continued to drill my ass hard and deep and thoroughly. Cum splattered over the shower tile, water sprayed down on us from the shower head, and Spock growled, “Mine” out loud and in my mind until we were both hoarse from shouting through the ecstasy.

As soon as he withdrew from me I crumbled to my knees and Spock joined me on the floor of the shower, wrapping his arms around my waist to hold me close.

“I love you,” I whispered, my eyes closed.

“I cherish thee, my Jim.”  

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

“Bones?”

“Yeah, yeah, come up.”

Spock and I made our way up to the sixth floor the apartment building Bones lived in and stopped before his door. I hit the buzzer and then heard a loud “Come in!”

The minute I opened the door I could smell something seriously burning and I felt Spock’s alarm through our bond.

“Bones? What the hell is burning?”

We followed the smell into the kitchen where Bones, wearing an apron which read, _I’m a Doctor Not a Chef_ , stood waving his hands at smoke coming from the oven. Suvoc stood a little to the side of him, his dark brown hair dusted with what looked like flour.  He had a smudge of what could be butter across his left cheek.

I tried not to laugh. Really. Spock was giving me his reproachful look and Bones was glaring. Suvoc merely looked solemn. It escaped from my mouth before I could stop it. A big guffaw. Then I was slapping the counter, doubled over.

“Oh, for God’s sake. It’s not that funny,” Bones grumbled.

“You two are too adorable. What the hell?”

“We were attempting to personally replicate the baked product known commonly as cookies,” Suvoc said. “Bones has told me it is something Earth children do.”

My lips twitched at hearing Suvoc call Bones…well Bones.

“Well, it might be difficult your first try,” I offered.

“This is our sixth attempt,” Suvoc replied.

I coughed to cover another laugh. “Oh.”

“Were all attempts burned?” Spock asked, his voice very polite. In spite of outward appearances, though, I was aware of his own quiet amusement through the bond.

“No.” Bones scowled. He pointed to a tray of warped looking piles of—I honestly didn’t know if they were supposed to be shaped like something—cookies on the counter. “Those are the others.”

“They are distasteful,” Suvoc said.

I smiled and picked up a cookie lump. “Well, I’ll try one. They aren’t pretty to look at I’ll give you that, but they must taste good.”

He shook his head. “They do not.”

I took a bite and immediately made a strangled noise.

“Jim?” Spock was by me at once. “Are you allergic to an ingredient?”

I shook my head, gasping. “I’m allergic to the taste.” I spit it out. “What the hell, Bones? Did you make these with your feet?”

_You are being unkind, T’hy’la._

_I know, but Jesus, Spock, you didn’t try one._

_Jim._

I cleared my throat. “Sorry, Suvoc. I’m exaggerating for comedic effect. They aren’t that bad.”

“They are in fact that bad, Jim. You do not need to invent a falsehood to spare my feelings. I have tasted several myself and had come to the conclusion I did not have a taste for the product, but then Bones assured me they did not taste like cookies.”

“Did you follow a recipe, doctor?” Spock asked.

“A recipe? Gee, why didn’t I think of that, Spock?” Bones asked sarcastically.

“You’re really grumpy today,” I told him.

“I’m hanging up my apron and giving up.” Bones undid his apron. “You make cookies with the kid.”

“Me? I’m an admiral.”

“So? Spock and I are going to go sit in the living room and wait for our cookies. Right, Spock?”

Spock arched a brow. “If you say so, doctor. But perhaps we could have tea?”

“You can have tea, I’m having coffee.”

After I shooed them out of the kitchen with their tea and coffee, I turned to Suvoc who looked expectantly at me.

“So, um, what kind of cookies are we trying to make?”

“Bones said they were oatmeal. But without raisins as you are allergic. We also discarded the idea of peanut butter cookies also due to your allergies and chocolate chips due to the affect chocolate has on Vulcans.”

“All very sound reasons. Okay, oatmeal it is.” I went to the recipe Bones had on his PADD. I frowned. “Let’s try another one.” I searched through several recipes until I settled on a fairly simple one. “Throw away all the ones you already baked.”

Suvoc discarded the distorted cookies and then the burnt ones. “Have you made cookies before, Jim?”

“Yeah a long time ago with my grandma. My dad’s mom. Every time she came for a visit we’d make something together.”

“I have not attempted baking before today.”

“And your first attempt had to be with Bones.” I shook my head. “Bones is a great guy, Suvoc, and an excellent doctor, but he sucks at just about any type of cooking. He once tried to burn down our dorm room at the academy.”

“Why did he try to set fire to your dormitory, Jim?”

I handed the mixing bowl to Suvoc. “He didn’t _actually_ try. He was heating something in the room. Fondue or some such gross stuff. He got called away for something else and forgot he left it on. I came back to find my cadet uniform smoldering.” I shook my head. “He’s a menace.”

“I heard that,” Bones shouted from the living room.

“Nothing wrong with his hearing though,”  I said with a  smile at Suvoc.

“Or his vocal chords.”

I laughed. “True. So, Suvoc, you mentioned before that you would be amenable to staying with me and Spock. Is that still true?”

He nodded. “I find your company acceptable.”

“Good. Because Spock and I discussed it today and if you agree we’d like you to live with us.”

"Very well,” Suvoc said. “Then we are in agreement.”

“Yep. Okay, you stir that.”

****

I handed a small plate of cookies to Bones and then one to Spock. Suvoc and I waited.

Bones picked up a cookie—one that was actually round and cookie shaped—as though it would bite him, but he took a bite. Chewed.

“Well?” I prompted.

He took another bite.

We turned to Spock who arched a brow and then also took a bite.

“What are your findings?” Suvoc asked him.

Spock nodded. “It is an acceptable oatmeal cookie.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled because Suvoc seemed satisfied by Spock’s Vulcan answer.

We both turned back to Bones who was on his second cookie. I nudged Suvoc. “I’m pretty sure he finds it an acceptable oatmeal cookie as well.”

“Mm. Not sure. Better give me a few more to make sure,” Bones said, grinning. “And bring me more coffee while you are at it. _Admiral_.”

With a sigh I went back into the kitchen and poured Bones more coffee as well as some for myself. I grabbed the rest of the cookies and brought them out to the living room.

Spock and Suvoc were bent over a puzzle they were piecing together in companionable silence. I handed Bones his coffee and the cookies.

I flicked my head toward them. “What are they doing?”

 “A map of Iowa. The kid had me buy it for him. Said he was curious about where you came from.” Bones snorted. “I think he likes you, Jim.”

I smiled and took a sip of my coffee. Maybe being grounded wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

    


	9. Chapter 9

I’d been dreading this moment all week. Hell, maybe I had been dreading it for years. The ache in my chest would not go away and it was hard to pretend I was okay with this.

Giving up my ship. _My_ ship.

It happened to everyone eventually I told myself. Pike had turned the Enterprise over to me once. Taken it back, too, but that was not the point. Not now. And anyway all of that seemed like a lifetime ago. This was _me_ having to officially turn over the _Enterprise_ to Will Decker.

Spock and Suvoc were at my side as I walked into the hangar where the Enterprise was docked. My legs worked. I made them work. Made them carry me inside, even though I wanted to turn and walk the other way.

Just inside Bones, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura waited. My friends…my family. For too few years, I thought. We should have had longer. They, like Spock and I, were attired in their dress uniforms.

“Hi, guys,” I greeted them even before I reached them. I had to maintain composure, I reminded myself. An admiral shouldn’t cry.

“Admiral.” Scotty was the first to greet me and it was with a hug. And for some reason, I guessed because the memories would not stop coming, I remembered the first time I met him on Delta Vega asking for sandwiches, and I smiled.

“Hey, Scotty.” I squeezed him and then gave hugs to Sulu and Chekov before turning to Uhura. “Think I can call you Nyota now?”

She laughed, though her dark eyes looked a little wet, and she hugged me tight.

They would all go on without me on whatever ship they were assigned to, I knew. Sulu was in line for a promotion to captain his own ship. Scotty was staying on with the Enterprise. I thought, maybe, Uhura and Chekov were staying there too. I didn’t really know and didn’t want to ask. Not now, anyway.

Bones hugged me next and it was brief, but very tight, and when we pulled apart he gave me a nod and a smile, and I squeezed his hand.

I turned to Spock and Suvoc. “This is Suvoc. He’s our…son.” I wasn’t sure I should call him that, not yet anyway. But wasn’t sure what else to call him either. “Suvoc, this is Scotty, Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu.”

“I have studied each of your careers,” Suvoc told them. “I wished to know of those who served with Jim and Spock.”

Uhura smiled. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Suvoc.”

He nodded. “You were previously a romantic partner of Spock’s.”

Spock cleared his throat. “That is not an appropriate topic, Suvoc. And that was a long time ago now. Shall we move on?”

The others nodded and began to walk down the hangar toward where the official ceremony was to take place, but I held back, simply staring.

Spock offered me his fingers which I gratefully met. “You are distressed, T’hy’la.”

“Yeah. I…this is harder than I even thought it would be. And I expected it to be difficult.” I closed my eyes. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this, Spock.”

Suvoc, who had been walking with the others, stopped and walked back toward us. “Why has Jim stopped? Is he unwell?”

“He is experiencing distress and regret at giving up the Enterprise,” Spock explained.

The kid stared at me for so long I couldn’t imagine what he thought of my illogical, emotional behavior. But then he stepped up to me and held out his hand. “Perhaps if you take my hand it will be easier for you to face it.”

A lump formed in my throat, completely against my will. “It won’t bother you to hold my hand?”

“I would not offer my hand if it did. It is my understanding humans draw comfort from this.”

“They do.” I took his small hand in mine and smiled. “Thank you, Suvoc.”

He nodded. “I am sure Spock would hold your other hand if required.”

I saw Spock’s lips twitch just a little and I knew my Vulcan was fighting back a smile. He came to my side and held out his hand.

“Of course I will. Shall we?”

And if it looked strange to everyone standing by the Enterprise—reporters, crew, other admirals, and Decker himself—no one remarked on it. They all acted as though it were the most natural thing in the world for two Vulcans to be holding a human’s hand.

I released them when I was instructed to go up to the podium and give a speech. It was funny to think that once upon a time I thought I’d command the Enterprise until I was eighty and hunched over.

I spoke the words I’d written out ahead of time, practiced even once, turning over my lady to Captain Decker. He was untried and unexperienced, really, but so was I once. I supposed all of us were at one time. And Will would learn.

Then as I shook Will’s hand, everyone converged on me at once. Reporters, friends, colleagues. Chaos. And then the ceremony was over and everyone went their separate ways until it was just me standing staring at my former ship with my two Vulcans waiting solemnly nearby.

Life as I had known it was over. I had a new life, sure, but it would be mostly Earth bound now. No more space. And it was like a knife in my heart. The ache in my chest got worse, the tightness there almost unbearable.

Just as I was going to turn and leave I was rejoined by Will Decker. He stood next to me surveying his ship in all her glory.

“She really is beautiful,” Will said.

“The best there is for sure.”

“I was surprised you gave her up to be honest.”

I smiled slightly. “I was, too. Life is full of changes and new opportunities.”

Will looked at me. “That sounds like something you’re forcing yourself to say, Jim.”

“Maybe,” I acknowledged. “I lost her once before in other circumstances.”

“Think you’ll get her back again this time?”

I shook my head. “Nah. It’s your time, Will. I’ve got a family to take care of now. And duties of the admiralty.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you changed your mind,” Will said.

“You say that now, but once the ship is yours, trust me, you’d blame me.” I turned and smiled at him and patted his shoulder. “Good luck, Will.”

“Thank you, Admiral. And to you in your new duties, too.”

Spock and Suvoc had moved away a bit and were now standing about halfway down the hangar. When I reached them they both stared at me with their blank Vulcan expressions. For just a moment I wondered what I’d gotten myself into.

_T’hy’la?_

_I’m okay, Spock._

And, oh, yeah, that was what I’d gotten myself into. Bonded with Spock. And I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

Without a word, Suvoc reached for my hand again and I took his smaller one and then Spock’s much larger one and the three of us left without me looking back at my ship, where I’d left part of my heart behind. 

    


	10. Chapter 10

“Do you really have to go back to New Vulcan?” I asked old Spock as we walked beside each other in the San Francisco Botanical Gardens. I realized immediately how selfish it sounded. “I mean right now. Do you have to go back now?”

“I only came to Earth for Suvoc’s sake, Jim. To see him settled in his new home. Now that you and Spock have agreed to adopt him, there is no need for me to remain here. And I make my home now on New Vulcan.”

“I know. I know all that. It’s just…I really like having you here.” I stopped at a flowering plant as he had. “With me.”

He bent over the plant. “I am gratified to hear it. But you do have Spock with you. And he won’t leave your side.”

“Yeah.” I looked away. “Yeah, I know.”

The old Vulcan straightened and stared at me for a long time. “Jim?”

I licked my lips. “I like having you both with me. I know it’s selfish. But it makes me feel less vulnerable with both of you by my side.”

“Do you doubt that he will always be with you?” he asked gently.

“No, not really. It’s just…you died on your Jim once. And I know he went through hell to get you back.”

“Yes.”

 “Keeping two Spocks with me it feels like I never have to be without one.” I laughed, but it was at myself. “Stupid, right?”

“You are many things, Jim. Rash, impetuous, headstrong, insecure, overly emotional. But stupid has never been one of them. And while I understand the sentiment, what will be will be. Spock will always do whatever he can to be by your side. No matter the universe. I think I can speak as an authority on that.”

I smiled. “I just really like having you near.”

“I will keep in touch, Jim. Whenever I can.”

And I knew it was going to have to be enough. I couldn’t keep old Spock with me.  
“Same here.”

“There is something else you wished to discuss.”

He said it like a fact, not a question. I guessed Spock could always read me. And that was a universal universe thing, too.

“No,” I started to lie or protest. Not sure which, really. But then that old eyebrow rose in perfect imitation of my Spock or perhaps Spock’s was in perfect imitation of the elder. Whatever. Sighing, I looked away, out over the botanical gardens. “Did your—” But no, that wasn’t the way I wanted to ask. “I’m not sure I’ve chosen the right path.”

He nodded. “You speak of giving up the Enterprise.” He started walking again and I dutifully followed. “I must apologize for my absence at the ceremony. I am afraid I was uncertain of my own response to it.”

“Your response?”

Spock nodded. “Yes. I don’t have as much control over my human side these days as I once did. It is a progression of age. The memories of my own time with the Enterprise and my Jim seem to come back with increasing frequency.”

“It’s your Jim I wanted to ask you about.”

“About him becoming Admiral Kirk?”

“Yeah. How’d that go for him?”

I was sure I did not imagine his hesitation. But then he said, “It was something that he did not do well with. Not the leadership aspect of it. Jim was an outstanding leader.” He glanced at me. “As are you. But giving up the Enterprise was not something he was able to do. Not with ease.”

“I see.”

“You are afraid you share this condition with him.”

I nodded. “It’s the right thing to do if I’m going to raise Suvoc. But the Enterprise is all I’ve known these past years. It’s in my blood. My heart.” I shook my head. “Are you mad?”

“Why would I be angry?”

“I agreed to adopt Suvoc with Spock and yet here I am telling you I wish I was still commanding the Enterprise.”

“I cannot find fault with your assessment of your feelings, Jim. And I know you will do what is right regardless of the consequences.”

I smiled. “Is that because of your own Jim and your experience with him?”

“No. It is because of my experience with you.”

****

“What is the purpose of this area?” Suvoc asked as we surveyed the backyard of a house. It was little more than a small square of a yard with an abundance of green grass.

It was a three bedroom house in the suburbs and was the third one we’d been to that day.

“I don’t know, for recreation? Perhaps a garden could be put back here,” I suggested.

“A garden?” he repeated. “I do not believe this is an activity I have an interest in. Is this something you enjoy doing, Jim?”

I shrugged. “Not really. Maybe Spock, though.”

“It seems an illogical waste of space. Is this house not inconveniently far from Starfleet?”

:”Yeah, a little. But I thought you might like a house with a yard.”

“This is something human children require?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s required, no. But many of them want it.”

“You grew up on a farm in Iowa.”

“Right. Not that it was especially happy though,” I said.

“I am aware,” Suvoc said. “I do not require a yard, Jim. I do not have a particular interest in botany.”

I smiled a little and we went back inside the empty house. “What do you have a particular interest in?”

“I have been considering a future in Vulcan medicine and healing.”

“Have you? That’s pretty cool.”

Suvoc nodded solemnly. “Bones had mentioned that doctors who specialize in Vulcan biology are rare.”

Vulcans were rare, of course, but I did not say so. I knew Suvoc was all too aware of that. “It is an admirable interest.”

“We are influencing you, Ashayam,” Spock said coming toward us. “You are beginning to sound Vulcan.”

I met his extended fingers with mine. “There are worse things to sound like.”

“Indeed. What did you think of the house?”

“It is efficient in most respects,” Suvoc said. “But the location is not. It would require Jim to travel long distance to headquarters on a frequent basis which could be dangerous due to the treacherous roads and Jim’s inability to operate vehicles safely.”

Spock nodded. “This is a logical analysis.”

“Wait. What?”

“I believe an apartment in the city would be preferable,” Suvoc continued as though I hadn’t said anything. “Bones has advised there are several available in his building.”

“You wish for us to live in Dr. McCoy’s building?” Spock asked.

“For logical reasons. He would be located near Jim to treat him when it is required, as it often is.”

“Wait. What?” I said again.

“That would be desirable under the circumstances,” Spock acknowledged.

“Furthermore, it is close enough for Jim to walk to headquarters. And, I am told by Bones, the views of the bay from the building are pleasing to humans.”

My communicator beeped and I looked down at the message that appeared. “I have an urgent meeting at Starfleet headquarters.”

“Does it say what it is about?” Spock asked.

“No. Just says urgent.” I shook my head. “You two are going to have to make it back to the hotel without me. Think you can?”

“Of course.” Spock extended his fingers and I met them, and then I leaned in and gave him a quick human kiss.

I gave Suvoc’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll let you know as soon as I know something.”

And then I made my way out of the empty house and to the hover car we had taken into the suburbs.  
 


	11. Chapter 11

“Kirk, sit down,” Admiral Mark Stiles ordered immediately after I was ushered into his office. “You want coffee or something?”

“No.”

I took the offered seat and waited, my hands folded in my lap. I could feel the tension in the room. The tension from him.

“Less than six hours ago, a monitoring station, known as Epsilon Nine, detected an enormous energy cloud heading toward Earth. After scanning it, they determined that hidden within it is an alien force.”

I nodded my understanding.

Stiles looked grimmer still. “Shortly after their initial transmission to headquarters, Epsilon Nine reported that three Klingon warships were destroyed by the cloud. All attempts to aid the Klingon ships failed. During this transmission Epsilon Nine was attacked by the cloud themselves. Every man and woman on the station were killed.”

I exhaled slowly. “I see.”

“I’m not sure you do, Kirk. Not yet anyway. This cloud is headed for Earth. It’s already destroyed the Klingon ships, the space station and three moons. We cannot allow it to reach Earth. Such an outcome would be disastrous.”

“I understand all that. So what’s the plan?”

Stiles steepled his fingers. “We want you to command the Enterprise and intercept it.”

“ _Me_? What about Will Decker?”

“Decker isn’t ready for something of this magnitude,” Stiles replied.

“With all due respect, Mark, I wasn’t deemed ready for command either when I took on Nero.”

“And you were spectacular even then. You’re the right man for the job, Kirk. Decker will accept this. He’ll have to.”

“I can’t do it,” I said. “Spock and I just adopted Suvoc. Which I did because _you_ told me I was grounded. I’m building a life here now, sir.”

“Kirk, I’m going to be frank. If you don’t do this. If you don’t command the Enterprise and intercept this cloud—this alien force—there will be no Earth. You and Spock won’t be raising Suvoc or anyone else because we’ll all be dead. Earth won’t have a future.”

My chest tightened painfully and I found it hard to breathe.

“You’ve saved Earth before. I know you have. More than once. And if I had any other choice, I’d take it. But I don’t. And neither do you. Not really.”

I could feel Spock’s presence in my head, feel him trying to offer me comfort and strength. Love. I pushed it back at him, too.

“I want Spock as my first officer. Bones as my chief medical officer.”

“Done.”

“I want my whole crew back. All of them.”

Stiles nodded. “Done. Whatever you want.”

“I want Decker to stay on as a consultant. And when this is over I want his command reinstated.”

“Fine.”

“With no mark on his career.”

Stiles nodded. “Understood.”

“Fuck.” I sighed, ran my fingers over my temples. I was already getting a headache. “I’ve gotta make some arrangements.” I stood.

“Understood. Be ready to board the Enterprise by seventeen hundred hours.”

“Yes, sir.”

I walked out of Admiral Stiles’ office in something of a daze.  When I took the lift to the lobby to find Spock waiting there for me I couldn’t contain my relief that he was there. He had an uncanny sense of when I needed him. The bond, probably. But whatever, I didn’t care. I met his two outstretched fingers with mine and I felt much calmer for it.

“You know?” I asked, even though just from his eyes I was sure he knew. Those dark eyes had always been so expressive to me.

“Yes, through the bond, T’hy’la. You are distressed.”

“I thought this was over. This part of Starfleet. I was preparing myself. Not very well, yeah, but I was trying. And now.” I blew out a breath. “They didn’t give me much choice, Spock.”

Spock nodded. “I know.”

“Are you mad?”

“Why would I be?”

“I have to have you by my side.”

“It is where I belong. I would have been by your side even without your asking, Jim.”

I sighed. “Bones, too. He’s not going to be happy.”

“There is little to be happy about in this regard.”

“Yes. Where is Suvoc?”

“With Dr. McCoy. I have already made arrangements with my counterpart to care for him while we are back on the Enterprise.”

“And have you told him?”

“No,” Spock admitted. “He will accept it because it is logical. That does not mean he won’t have his concerns.”

I closed my eyes briefly, and when I opened them Spock stared at me intently. “Decker is gonna be pissed.”

“I believe that is an accurate assessment. But he will do his duty just as we will, Ashayam. And you…we both know you are the correct choice.“

Sometimes Spock’s belief in me was staggering. And very much appreciated. “All right, let’s go talk to Suvoc.”

****

“So, that’s why I have to take command of the Enterprise again. Both of us. Temporarily.”

Suvoc maintained his stoic expression throughout my speech about the gaseous cloud with the alien force headed for Earth. Unlike with Spock, I could not yet read the expression in Suvoc’s dark eyes.

“Ambassador Spock will take you with him to New Vulcan,” I further explained. If the cloud reached Earth, I wanted Suvoc to be safe.

“I would prefer to be on board the Enterprise with you,” Suvoc said quietly.

I glanced at Spock who merely arched a brow at me.

“That’s not possible.”

“Why?”

“Starships are dangerous even for those trained,” I said honestly. “If we are unable to stop it from reaching Earth at least I will know you are safe from its path.”

“But you would not be.”

“No.” Suvoc and I were sitting on the couch in the hotel suite. Spock had been standing.

Spock bent at the knees until he was looking directly into Suvoc’s eyes. “We do not intend to fail.”

Suvoc nodded. “The admiralty has chosen wisely in choosing you to command the Enterprise in this matter, however, there is a statistical likelihood that you will fail.”

“Do you know how often that was the case? Welcome to my career, kiddo,” I said with a shrug.

“If you are so confident of victory then why not allow me to accompany you?”

“Because of those statistics.”

“We will feel more confident knowing you are safe,” Spock explained calmly.

“That is logical.”

Spock straightened once more. “I have messages to send.” He stroked his fingers across mine and then left the room.

Now that it was just the two of us, I thought I’d better check with his human half to see if he was okay.

“Are you scared?”

“There is no logical reason for me to be frightened,” Suvoc said. “As I will be on New Vulcan.”

I smiled a little. “That is true.”

He hesitated. “Are you?”

“Not exactly. I feel an adrenaline rush. An excitement. But fear? Not really.”

“You are brave.”

I shrugged. “Some would say foolishly so.”

Suvoc stood. “I will await your return.”

“Okay.” I stood, too. “The Ambassador will be here soon to get you.” I wanted to give him a hug, but wasn’t sure the little Vulcan would appreciate it.

“Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“May I have your permission to address you as Father?”

My heart squeezed in my chest as I crouched down and looked into that stoic, serious face. I caught the vulnerability there in those eyes this time. “You have permission to call me anything you want, Suvoc.”

He nodded. “Very well.”

And then I did hug him. It was brief. Barely there, but he returned the hug just the same. I stood again as a knock sounded on the door.

“That will be the ambassador.”

Suvoc stopped me with a hand on my arm. He held his other hand out in the Ta’al. “Live long and prosper, Father.”


	12. Chapter 12

“You gotta be kidding me,” Bones grumbled as they approached the shuttle bay. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to just beam on board?”

“Nope. The transporter isn’t working properly so a shuttlecraft it is,” I said, patting his arm. “What? I would have thought you’d be happy to avoid the transporter.”

“Oh, sure, it always makes me happy when something isn’t working on the ship. Jesus, Jim, what else isn’t working? What are they doing with the Enterprise? It was working fine when we left it.”

I shrugged. “They were retrofitting it.”

Bones stopped at the shuttlecraft, grimaced. “How’d I get roped into this again? Didn’t I retire?”

“You’re too young for retirement, anyway.” I slapped his back. “It’s gonna be fine, Bones.”

“Fine?” He repeated. “Didn’t you say we’re facing some energy cloud that goes around chomping ships and space stations like lunch?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure we’ve been through worse.”

“That makes me feel so much better.”

 I turned back to look behind me. “Where the hell is Spock?”

“He doesn’t want to be here either,” grumbled Bones.

“Spock loves this shit as much as I do, Bones. Don’t let him pretend otherwise. Which is why we’re such a great pair.”

“Yeah, yeah, a match made in heaven. There he is.”

Spock was coming down the corridor toward the shuttle, Uhura by his side. Once upon a time that would have bothered me. But I knew I had nothing to worry about. Hadn’t really for a long time.

“You guys ready?” I asked, even as I met Spock’s outstretched fingers.

“Ready, Admiral,” Uhura said.

Yeah, that still took some getting used to, I had to admit. We boarded the shuttle and made our way up to the Enterprise.   

As soon as we got off, I noticed Will Decker waiting for me. To say he looked unhappy was probably an understatement.

“Admiral,” he said coolly.

I glanced at the others. “Report to your stations.” I knew through the bond, Spock was not pleased, but he left with the others. “Will, I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Decker scoffed. “We both know you’re happy to be back here. _Admiral._ ”

“I can’t pretend I don’t love the Enterprise. But I did mean it when I said I accepted you were going to be her captain. They didn’t give me a choice, Will.”

“I know. I got the orders,” he said, but he didn’t look any happier for it.

“Well, then we both have our duties, don’t we, Captain?”

Decker nodded. “Yes, sir.”

****

“Mr. Sulu.”

“Yes, Cap-Admiral?”

I smiled. “Take us out.”

“Aye, sir.”

There were some unfamiliar faces. A Deltan female at the station next to Uhura for example. Deltans were bald but this particular female had rather attractive, exotic features. I had noticed that she and Decker seemed to know each other.

“Warp two, Mr. Sulu.”

“Yes, Admiral.”

“Admiral, I have a personal transmission for you,” Uhura said from her station on the bridge.

I frowned and turned toward her in my chair. “Personal? Who is it?”

“Ambassador Spock, sir.”

I exchanged a quick concerned glance with Spock and then we both got up and went to Uhura’s station. The only thing I could think of was Suvoc. 

“Patch it through.”

“Jim?” the old Vulcan’s voice came over the comm.

I leaned over. “Spock? What is it?”

“I do not want to alarm you, Jim.”

I blinked, reaching for my Spock’s hand, who closed his fingers over my palm. “You already are. What’s going on?”

“I am afraid that Suvoc is missing.”

“Missing?” I repeated, unable to make sense of it.

“Yes. I am sorry, Jim. He got away from me.”

I rubbed my temple. “Got away?”

“I am not as spry as I used to be,” the old Vulcan said. “One moment he was there and then the next—”

“Oh, my God.”

“Jim,” my Spock said, his voice calm, his fingers stroking my hand soothingly. “It will be all right.”

“How can it be all right?” I demanded. “He just lost my son. Our son. Jesus.”

“Scott to Admiral Kirk.”

My head was swimming. “Not now, Scotty.”

“Now, Admiral. You need to come to engineering,” Scotty said.

“Scotty, can’t this wait? I’m—”

“It cannot. Scott out.”

I growled in frustration, then turned to Decker. “You have the conn. Spock?”

When we reached engineering, Scotty was waiting and he had something behind his back.

“What the hell, Scotty?”

“I thought you’d want to see this right away, Admiral.” Scotty moved aside and there standing behind him was Suvoc.

“Suvoc,” Spock spoke from beside me, because really I could not get my mouth to work. “What are you doing here?”

Suvoc studied us serenely. “I did indicate my desire to accompany you on board the Enterprise.”

“You—you,” I sputtered. I turned away, turned back. “Okay, listen, this is me really fuc—er… piss—er…mad. I’m really mad. You can’t do this.”

“I have already done so.”

“God, I have a headache.”

“Suvoc,” Spock spoke up again. “It is not acceptable to disregard what we think is best for you. We made the decision for you to go with the ambassador for your welfare.”

"If something happened to you while on board the Enterprise, while I was on New Vulcan without you, I would have lost my parents twice. Surely that is not acceptable."

Damn.

I dropped to my knees. “Suvoc, no one wants that to happen.”

Suvoc nodded, his eyes solemn. “I am aware that your mission is dangerous, which is why I choose to be here with you, Father, and with Sa-mekh.” His gaze shifted to Spock.

“You can’t disobey something just because you don’t agree with it,” I said, wearily.

“Acknowledged,” Suvoc said.

I straightened, rubbed my temples again. “Just what are you acknowledging?”

“What you say is logical and under ordinary circumstances fully acceptable,” Suvoc explained. “These are not ordinary circumstances.”

“How did you get here anyway?”

“Ah.” Suvoc turned and out from behind a section of engineering, a familiar old Vulcan appeared.

“Son of a bitch,” I swore. Winced, when I realized I was swearing in front of the kid. “What was all that about him getting away from you?"

"He did, indeed." 

"But you were contacting me from my own ship?”

Ambassador Spock nodded as he held up his hand in the Ta’al, which I ignored. “Suvoc was most determined, Jim. And I could not let him go alone.”

I exhaled very slowly, praying for patience. Three Vulcans. “I don’t have time for this. I need to get back on the bridge.”

“You are distressed,” they all said at once.

“You really have no idea,” I told them, and turned to leave engineering, Spock, _my_ Spock, on my heels. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never!

Decker stiffened as soon as I stepped on the bridge. I could see the tension in his tight shoulders as he rose from the captain’s chair.

I could hardly blame him. I could still remember when Pike said, “They gave her back to me. The Enterprise.”

“Thank you, Captain,” I said as I took the seat. “Status report?”

“The entity is approaching us, Admiral. Estimate contact in less than ten minutes at this speed,” Decker advised.

“Spock?”

“Censor readings are difficult to assess at this range, Admiral. The entity does not appear to be organic in nature.”

“Not organic?” I frowned and turned toward Spock’s science station. “Mechanical?”

“Possibly,” Spock replied.

Decker now stood to the side of the Deltan female. They were speaking in low voices.

“Problem, Captain?”

Decker straightened. “No, sir.”

I nodded and turned away from them.

_Captain Decker and Lieutenant Ilia were at one time involved in an amorous relationship._

_They were? I thought Deltans were required to take a vow of celibacy by the Federation?_

_Indeed, due to their seductive natures. However, Decker’s relationship with the lieutenant predates her entry into Starfleet._

_Hmm. Think it’s going to be a problem?_

_Unclear._

_You’re a big help._

_I do try to be. I am pleased to be of service._

_That was sarcasm, Spock._

“Admeeral,” Chekov said, “the entity has increased speed and is headed straight for us.”

“Raise shields.”

I watched in a little bit of fascinated horror as cloudlike entity got closer. I’d seen my share of gaseous clouds over the years but this one was somehow more ominous than the others. Perhaps the knowledge that there was some kind of non-organic entity within the cloud. And that entity had already taken numerous lives.

Suddenly a bright light flashed on the bridge, blinding us. I held my hand in front of my eyes, the pain from the light intense and piercing. Just as quickly as it started the light blinked out.

“It’s scanning us, Admiral,” Spock said.

 I got up from my chair intending to talk to Spock when a laser appeared and headed straight for Lieutenant Ilia. She had her back to it and was speaking to Decker.

“Lieutenant,” Spock said, “look out.”

 Spock was on his feet and moving toward her and I was moving toward Spock. The laser turned toward Spock and zapped him off his feet.

“Spock!”

Then the laser turned back to Lieutenant Ilia and as it struck her, her body disappeared.

Decker gasped and clutched the chair where she had been sitting.

I knelt beside Spock just as the turbolift doors opened and Bones entered the bridge.

“Bones,” I urged.

Bones hurried over to Spock, scanning him. Spock had already begun to sit up. “How do you feel, Spock?”

“Like I just got knocked off my feet by a laser, doctor.”

I searched Spock’s gaze. “You okay?”

“I am functional, Admiral.”

_Don’t give me that admiral bullshit. This is me asking you._

_I am all right, T’hy’la. Merely a bit dizzy._

_I’m having Bones take you to the medbay._

_Not necessary._

“Do you think you should see him in medbay?” I asked Bones. We helped Spock to stand.

“His readings are fine,” Bones said, eying Spock. “Still, it wouldn’t hurt to do some further tests.”

“Unnecessary,” Spock insisted.

“Admiral,” Decker spoke up, his voice sounding shaky.

“Yes, Will?”

“Lieutenant Ilia is gone. That laser from the entity hit her and then she was gone.”

I exchanged a look with Spock. “I’m sorry, Will.”

“Just like that? You’re giving up? What if—”

“It is unlikely Lieutenant Ilia survived,” Spock said.

“Maybe but we have to do something,” Decker insisted.

Spock arched a brow. “What do you suggest we do? We are lucky that the entity has not as yet destroyed the ship and all its occupants.”

Decker glared at Spock. “Wow, you really are as much of a cold, heartless bastard as everyone says you are.”

“I fail to see why stating facts should bring about such an illogical emotional outburst.”

“Spock,” I said, wearily. I turned to Will, touched his shoulder. “I really am sorry, Will. You had something of a personal relationship with Lieutenant Ilia, right?”

Decker deflated. “Yes. Years ago. But I still care about her. And she cares about me.”

“If you need time, Will, you have it.”

He nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

“Dismissed then.”

Bones was eying Spock. “You could at least pretend to have some humanity in that green-blooded body of yours.”

“Bones.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. I’m going to see if anyone else was injured.”

“It may attack again,” I said. “We need to be ready.”

When Bones left the bridge I turned back to Spock. Resting my hand on his right forearm, I searched his dark eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes, Jim.”

I blew out a breath. “That was too close. Especially given what that laser did to Lieutenant Ilia.”

Spock seemed hesitant, then he said, “Was I insensitive?”

I smiled. “For humans, maybe. For a Vulcan, no. Decker doesn’t really know you, Spock. But I do.”

“Decker to Kirk.”

I frowned and went to the comm on the captain’s chair. “Kirk here.”

“Admiral…it’s Ilia. She’s in my quarters.”

“What?”

“Lieutenant Ilia is here. In my shower.”

“I’ll be right there. Kirk out.” I hit the comm again. “Dr. McCoy, meet me in Will Decker’s quarters.” Then I looked to Spock. “Coming?”

“Of course.”

“Sulu, you have the conn.

****

Bones made it to Decker’s quarters at the same time we did and Decker was waiting for us. Sure enough, Lieutenant Ilia stood in his quarters wearing only a robe. She stared at all of us with a rather blank expression on her face.

Decker took me aside as Bones began to examine her. “She seems like Ilia, Jim. But I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“She has a lot of Ilia’s memories. I talked to her. But there’s something off about her. She’s not the Ilia I know.”

I nodded and turned to her. “Lieutenant Ilia, where have you been?”

She tilted her head. “I was sent by V’ger.”

“Bones?”

“Jim, this is not Lieunteant Ilia. This, whatever it is, is not a Deltan. Or any known humanoid. This is a synthetic.”

“An android?”

“Most likely.”

“Fascinating,” Spock said.

I approached her. “Who is V’ger?”

“V’ger is the creator.”

“Is that the entity in the cloud? Is that V’ger?”

“Yes,” Ilia said.

“Where is Lieutenant Ilia? Where is the real Ilia?” I demanded.

“We are her now,” Ilia said.

Decker made a broken noise and shook his head.

She looked at him. ”You are hurt, Will?”

When she advanced toward him, Decker took a step back. “Keep that thing away from me. It’s not Ilia.”

I frowned. “We better get security in here. I’m not sure what this V’ger’s intentions are by sending this copy of Ilia to us.”

“I am here to study your species,” she replied.

“Great. Kirk to Security. Send two guards to Will Decker’s quarters.”

“There is no need, Admiral Kirk,” Ilia assured me. “I will not harm you. I am a probe. I have no weapons abilities.”

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.”


	14. Chapter 14

I found Suvoc in our quarters. He stood in the sitting room area. He was staring intently into the sleeping quarters where Spock and…Spock were conversing. My Spock and old Spock.

“What are you doing, Suvoc?”

To his credit, he did not jump in surprise, but I could see that he was startled by the slight widening of his eyes. “I did not hear your approach, Father.”

I smirked. “You didn’t expect that I could sneak up on you, huh?”

“I did not. You are a most unusual human.”

“Yeah, you should keep that in mind for the future for when you are trying to hide stuff from me.”

Suvoc blinked. “I would not.”

“Uh-huh. You may be a Vulcan, but you’re still a kid. And don’t think I haven’t noticed you are attempting to distract me from my original question. What are you doing? Are you eavesdropping?”

“They are having a fascinating discussion.”

“So, in other words, you are listening in.”

“Affirmative. The ambassador is explaining that he does not wish to give Sa-mekh information that will change the future.”

“Same old song, huh?”

“Father?” Suvoc arched a brow in perfect imitation of Spock.

I sighed. “It’s not good to listen in on private conversations, Suvoc. They are private for a reason. No matter how fascinating they may be.”

“I have not finished telling you about their discussion.”

“Uh, yeah?” I cleared my throat. “What else is there?”

“The ambassador mentioned a mind meld with V’ger.”

“What? A mind meld? Spock and—that—that thing? Oh no way.”

“Sa-mekh was fascinated.”

“To hell he was. I’m putting a stop to this right now.” I took his arm. “Come on, we’re gonna interrupt.”

Both Spocks looked at me and Suvoc with vaguely guilty expressions. Vulcan guilty.

“Whatever it is you two are cooking up, just forget it.”

“Cooking up, Admiral?” Spock asked. “We are not engaged in culinary practices.”

“Funny. Stop doing the confused Vulcan act. You should know by now it doesn’t work on me. Suvoc overheard your conversation.”

The ambassador looked down at Suvoc. “You were listening?”

“Affirmative.”

“And it’s a good thing he was, too,” I said before they could go off on a tangent I didn’t have time for. “So, in your time, you mind melded with that thing out there? You and your Kirk, you went up against it, didn’t you?”

Ambassador Spock shook his head. “You know that I won’t tell you—”

“Seriously?” My jaw clenched. “You are so not going there right now.”

“Jim,” Spock said.

I held up my hand to stop him. “You already melded with it, right?”

“Yes,” the ambassador said after some hesitation.

“Okay, so, there is absolutely no reason for _my_ Spock, no offense to you, to go out there and endanger himself unnecessarily doing what you have already done when you can just give us the information.”

“Jim.”

“I agree with Father,” Suvoc said.

I smiled down at him. “Thank you.”

“There may be differences in this V’ger, Jim,” the ambassador spoke up. “Just as there were differences in your experiences with Khan.”

“Was there a Lieutenant Ilia? And a Will Decker?”

The old Vulcan hesitated, but then said, “Yes.”

“Then it is just as likely it will be the same.”

“Jim,” Spock spoke up. “May I have a private word with you?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Fine.”

He led me into the bathroom, old Spock and Suvoc staring after us. As soon as the door closed, I turned to him. “What?”

“I wish to do this for myself.”

“You think you’re going to what? Go out into space, into that fucking cloud, and find that thing and what? Attach yourself to it and mind meld with it?”

“Essentially yes.”

“No.”

“Jim, you are being unreasonable.”

“How about no fucking way? Is that more reasonable?”

“T’hy’la, we have never shied away from what must be done. Neither of us. I do not wish to do so now.”

“But he’s already done it!”

“I wish to do it myself, to know the thoughts myself. It is not the same as being told by another. And there may be differences as he said. Jim, were you in my place, you would do the same. You know this.”

I turned away from him, angry that he was right. He was always fucking right. I clenched my fists. “God, you always have to be right.”

“Negative. I am merely pointing out what we both know and how we both would behave.”

I blew out a breath. “You have to be careful.”

“Always.”

“No, I mean it, Spock. You are _not_ always careful. I can’t lose you. Suvoc can’t lose you. We both need you.”

“You will not lose me.” Spock held out two fingers which I met with mine.

“How do you do that anyway? Works every time.”

“It is you as much as me, Jim. The bond belongs to both of us.”

I blew out a breath. “Okay. Okay. I guess you’re doing it.”

****

I found Decker on the bridge later, looking pretty lost.

“How are you doing, Will?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Decker said. “Ilia…she’s so like Ilia was. She even has her thoughts, her memories. Even her feelings. I want to hate this probe.”

“But you can’t?”

He shook his head. “It’s difficult. Her touch…her taste. It’s all Ilia. I’m so confused.”

I patted his arm. “I know. I wish this was easier. I’m sorry, Will. Right now, though, we both need to focus on our duties. Think you can do that, Captain?”

Decker straightened. “I’ll try, Admiral.”

I smiled. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Admiral, Mr. Spock is in position,” Sulu said.

“Thank you, Mr. Sulu.” And I went to sit in the captain’s chair.    

  


	15. Chapter 15

“Mr. Spock is in the thruster suit, Admiral,” Uhura announced.

“Monitor him, Commander Uhura. Onscreen if able.”

“Yes, sir.”

The turbolift doors opened to reveal Spock’s counterpart. He stepped onto the bridge and came immediately to my side.

“Where is Suvoc?” I asked him.

“Dr. McCoy is currently watching him in the sickbay.” The old Vulcan paused. “Medbay. It is called medbay, is it not?”

I gave him a look. “Yes, that’s right.”

He nodded. “Yes, it was different in my time. Some things are the same, but others not.”

My gaze went to the screen where I saw my Spock in a thruster suit making his way into the cloud. I frowned. “What exactly is he going into?”

I didn’t miss his hesitation. “I could show you.”

I frowned. “Show me?”

“With a meld.”

There was a time, right after Delta Vega in fact, I would have been leery of melding with him. But I’d been through many with Spock since then, my Spock, but still, I no longer worried about them.

“Okay, but not here.” I stood and turned to Decker. “Will, you have the conn. I’ll be back in a few minutes”

I led the old Vulcan into the turbolift and closed the doors. I pulled the lever so it wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Make it fast. Spock’s out there.”

Old Spock nodded and fastened his fingers to my meld points. “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

Dozens of scenes played through my head, just like our last meld. I saw his Jim, his Bones, and all of my crew…his crew. I saw Spock with long hair on Vulcan, actual Vulcan, and then I saw Spock with Jim on the Enterprise and Will Decker, looking very much the same as the Will Decker I’d just left in charge. And Spock melding with V’Ger. Then Will and Ilia.

“Fuck.” I pulled away from the old Vulcan, breaking the meld, instantly and causing both of us to pant in pain.

“Jim,” he rasped.

But I was pissed. So pissed. “Kolinahr? You bastard, how could you do that to me? To-to him.”

“Understand, Jim, that was a different time, a different place. I was different, you were different.”

“You told me about your special love, Spock,” I ranted. “You showed me his video message to you about how much he loved you. I thought—”

“Jim, all that I told you, showed you, was true. What we had was very special. It took us longer to reach the point that you and Spock have in this time, but I assure you we did and we were very much together and deeply in love.”

I closed my eyes and nodded. “Okay, okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. But what the fuck, Spock, you couldn’t have just did this before and not let Spock go out there?”

“He insisted.”

Rolling my eyes, I pulled the lever and then hit the comm on the wall. “Kirk to Decker.”

“Decker here, Admiral.”

“Will, Spock’s in trouble.”

“How-How did you know? I was about to contact you.”

“Never mind that,” I said, impatiently. “I’m getting suited up to go get him. Have Dr. McCoy stand by. Kirk out.”

Old Spock looked a little crestfallen.

I shook my head at Spock. “You know I adore you, right?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“But you seriously try my patience. And I suspect that’s the case in every universe and the past, present and future.”

He inclined his head. “Yes, Jim.”

The turbolift doors opened and I made my way to the thruster suits.

****

I stood by Spock’s biobed, holding his hand as Bones examined him.

“I’ll need to do another brain scan,” Bones declared. “There may be neurological damage from the meld. That machine must have had incredible power.”

“It did, doctor. I saw V’ger’s home planet, Jim. It was a planet of machines, powerful and highly intelligent. When V’ger reached it, they repaired it and sent it to find its purpose.”

I nodded. “To find its creator.”

Spock arched a brow. “You are remarkably well informed.”

“Yes, well. I had a discussion with a certain Vulcan.”

“A discussion?”

I squirmed. “Uh. Yeah, sort of.”

“He melded with you.”

“I wanted to know what was going on. I hate being kept in the dark. I don’t buy all that, ‘I can’t tell you or it will change the universe’ crap anymore.”

Spock’s eyes seemed to get darker. “You might have told me this was your plan before I went out to mind meld with V’ger.”

“Hey, you were the one who insisted you had to go do this on your own. Stubborn Vulcan. I wanted the ambassador to just tell us.”

“I should have known he would give in to you.”

I smiled a little and squeezed his hand. “Yeah you should have. You would have.”

Spock opened his mouth to reply when the medbay doors opened and Suvoc ran in, followed quickly by Spock’s counterpart.

Suvoc rushed to the biobed. “Sa-mekh.”

“He’ll be fine, Suvoc,” Bones told him as he leaned forward to hypospray Spock’s neck.

Suvoc looked at me as though for confirmation, so I nodded.

“Bridge to Admiral Kirk.”

“Yes, Decker?”

“V’ger is coming closer, sir. Starfleet indicates it’s entering Earth’s atmosphere.”

“I’m on my way,” I told him. I turned to Bones. “I need Spock on the bridge.”

“Jim—” Bones started to protest but Spock was already rising.

“I am fine, doctor.”

I glanced at Spock Elder. “You know exactly what’s about to happen.”

“Yes, Admiral,” he said. “And so do you.”

Suvoc suddenly grabbed the hem of my uniform shirt. When I looked down, his dark eyes were solemn. “You will be safe?”

I crouched down next to him. “Yeah, I will. And Sa-mekh, too. Stay with Ambassador Spock, okay?”

Suvoc nodded. “Yes, Father.”

I smiled and ruffled his hair, which I could see he did not appreciate, so I laughed and stood. “Spock, you’re with me.”

“Always.”

****

The Ilia probe stood next to Will Decker on the bridge. Decker turned to me, concern on his face.

“Sir, V’ger has launched probes at Earth.”

I nodded and went to Ilia. “What does V’ger want?”

“V’ger has tried contacting the creator but the creator does not answer. V’ger believes the carbon units are interfering with the creator.”

“Carbon units?” Decker asked.

“Humans,” I explained. Remembering what I had seen in the meld, I grew impatient. “Ilia, I know why the creator does not answer but I need to tell V’ger itself and not a probe. Can you bring me to V’ger?”

She turned to stare at me. “You wish to see V’ger?”

“Yes, that is the only way I will tell V’ger why the creator does not respond. But you need to withdraw the probes you launched at Earth.”

“Tell V’ger first and then we will withdraw.”

I expected this but it still annoyed me. I nodded. “Very well.”

The Ilia probe turned toward the screen and stared blankly.

“Admiral, the Enterprise is being drawn closer to V’ger,” Sulu announced. “And I detect oxygen on the pathway to V’ger.”

“Right.” I looked at Spock just as the turbolift doors opened and Bones entered the bridge. I smiled. “Right on time. You two are with me. Decker—”

“I want to come along, Admiral,” he said, glancing at Ilia.

I wanted to say no. I’d seen what had happened in the ambassador’s time and I suspected Will’s fate would be similar.

_Jim?_

_Sometimes I hate being in command._

_You do not._

_Well, I hate some decisions I have to make then._

_Decker?_

_Yes, Spock._

_Perhaps it is his destiny no matter the universe._

_I know._

“Okay, Will,” I said. “Come along.”

Spock, Bones, Decker, the probe and I made our way out of the ship across a pathway to V’ger. As I already knew, we found the Voyager 6 satellite probe launched by Earth in the 20th Century.

“This was believed lost forever,” Decker declared excitedly. “I remember reading about this.”

“Voyager 6 was found by the planet of living machines,” Spock said. “They sent V’ger back toward Earth to transmit the information it had learned to its creator, but along the way the probe learned so much information it achieved consciousness.”

“A machine with consciousness?” Bones exclaimed.

“Yes, doctor. But V’ger lacks a purpose because it cannot focus. When I melded with it, it kept asking, is this all that I am?”

“V’ger wants the creator to come and finish the sequence,” Ilia announced.

“What does that mean?” Bones demanded.

I sighed wearily. “Basically V’ger wants to merge with its creator.”

“Are you out of your damn mind, Jim?”

“I wish that I was, Bones. In order for V’ger to evolve beyond what it already is it needs to merge with a human consciousness.”

“Oh, that’s just great. What do we do now?”

“I’ll do it,” Decker announced.

“Will—”

“Jim.” He stepped forward. “I want to do it.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know what it will do to you.”

Decker nodded. “I’m sure. Just as sure as you were that the Enterprise will always be your ship.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Jim, are you really gonna let him do it?”

“Yeah, Bones, I am.”

Decker stepped forward to where the sequence had to be input. He entered the code and suddenly he was surrounded by bright light, shooting up from him, and the Ilia Probe walked to where he stood and wrapped her arms around him.

“Son of a bitch,” Bones exclaimed.

“Admiral,” Spock spoke up. “I believe we should get out of here.”

“Right as usual, Mr. Spock.” And we hurried back to the ship.

When we entered the bridge, Spock’s counterpart and Suvoc were waiting for us. For a moment I was sure Suvoc wanted to give us a hug, but then he remembered himself.

“I am gratified to see you are well, Father, Sa-mekh.”

“Indeed,” Spock responded.

“Admiral,” Uhura said. “Message from Starfleet. The probes have withdrawn and Earth is returning to normal. They request casualty reports and damage estimates.”

“Tell them no damage. And no casualties.”

“Admiral?”

“Two missing. Lieutenant Ilia and Captain Will Decker.”

“Aye, sir.”

****

“You wanted to see me, Admiral?” I asked, standing before Admiral Stiles’ desk back in his office on Earth.

“Sit down, Kirk.” After I was seated, he smiled. “Great work as usual.”

“Thank you.”

“You saved the Earth…again.”

“It was my crew, Admiral.”

“I’m sure. Jim, we may have been premature in deciding to take the Enterprise away from you. In light of recent events, we’d like to offer her back to you. With whatever crew you want, of course.”

I was almost giddy for about ten seconds. Getting back to space? I couldn’t imagine anything better. But then I remembered a little Vulcan boy and a commitment I made to him, to Spock. To both Spocks.

“While I appreciate the offer, sir, my circumstances have changed.”

Stiles frowned. “Changed?”

“Spock and I have a son to consider. As far as I know, children are not permitted to be raised on starships.”

“No, no, they are not.”

“Then, as you can see—”

“Perhaps an exception can be made.”

“An exception?”

“Well, it’s true under normal circumstances children are not permitted on starships, but you have never been exactly a normal circumstance.”

I figured he was trying to give me a compliment of sorts. “Still, even if an exception could be made, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to endanger Suvoc’s life on board the Enterprise. No, Admiral. I am afraid I am going to have to decline.”

He blinked. “If you are sure.”

Was I sure? Not really. But I did know it was the right thing, the mature thing to do. I nodded. “Yeah.”

Stiles sighed. “Very well, Kirk. You are dismissed.”

I found Spock and Suvoc sitting waiting for me in the lobby of Starfleet. Both of them looked up from their PADD’s as I approached.

“Everything all right, Admiral?” Spock asked, standing.

“Yeah. Stiles just wanted to give me the Enterprise back.”

“Did he?” Spock arched a brow.

“Yeah. I turned him down.”

“You turned him down, Father?” Suvoc asked.

“I did. You two are all the crew I need.”

“And Dr. McCoy,” Suvoc added, reaching for my hand.

I clasped his small hand in mine. “And Dr. McCoy. Where is Bones anyway? Wasn’t he going to have lunch with us?”

“A man has to pee once in a while,” Bones said, coming up to us.

I laughed. “Yeah, I guess. Well, come on you three, it’s time for lunch.”

“I hope you’re buying,” Bones said as we all headed for the doors leading out of headquarters.

Rolling my eyes, I said, “Sure, Bones. But I’m having a hamburger. Maybe even two.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the final chapter.
> 
> Originally I had planned on an epilogue showing Suvoc as an adult with his aged fathers. But my plans for that ended up being too sad for me right now and I decided to end this and this series on a positive, light note. Some day, maybe, I will write that epilogue either by adding it here or as another short fic, but for now Changes is done and with it The Bond Between series.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it. The Bond Between Them was my first fanfic.


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally got around to writing the epilogue for this. This is finally the conclusion. Hope you like it.

**_Thirteen years later_ **

 

I heard the sound of the front door opening and closing just before Spock’s soft exclamation.

“Suvoc!”

I was not really surprised he was here, but hadn't really expected it either. I’d been sitting in my study in our apartment home in San Francisco just staring into space. Well not space. I hadn't been staring at space for a long time. I was staring at my terminal trying to do work I had no interest in completing.

“Where is he?” Suvoc asked.

“He is in his study,” Spock replied. “He has been there all morning.”

I almost heard a rebuke in Spock’s voice, but not really. I imagined it, I was sure.

“How is he?”

“You should see him,” came Spock’s answer.

I braced myself for the door of the study to open. I couldn't help but wonder if I was ready for this. But I had to be.

The door opened and our son stood in the doorway. A young man now instead of the small boy he was when Spock and I adopted him. His dark hair was cut in the usual Vulcan style, but he had one diamond stud in his left pointed ear. He’d gotten his ear pierced when he turned sixteen.

“Father?” Suvoc asked hesitantly. He still wore the uniform of the Vulcan Science Academy he attended.

“Hello, Suvoc,” I greeted him softly. “You left school?”

“As soon as I became aware of your loss.” Suvoc came into the study and shut the door behind him. He approached me very carefully, his spine stiff, unyielding. But there was sorrow in his deep brown eyes as he knelt in front of my chair. “I grieve with thee.”

I nodded, unable to form words at his formal declaration. The pain was great, the loss insurmountable. I didn’t know how I could get over it. I never would.

Suvoc reached for my hands and grasped them in his. I felt our familial bond spring to life at the contact and he projected his own sorrow.

“I grieve with thee, too,” I finally managed to say.

“Your sadness is great,” Suvoc said. “It overpowers me.”

I tried to pull my hands away but he would not allow it, my son was stronger than me. In so many ways.

“I can’t believe Bones is gone.”

“It was an attack of his heart?”

“That’s what they said.”

“Sa-mekh advised that he went in his sleep.”

I nodded. “Yeah, they think so. I’m glad he didn't suffer a lot.” And then what he said hit me. “So, your Sa-mekh contacted you?”

“Yes, Father. I would have wanted to be here for you,” Suvoc said.

“But you left the Science Academy? They couldn't have been pleased.”

Suvoc shrugged slightly. “They were not. But I care not what they think about my departure. You are more important.”

That got a smile out of me, if just a small one.

He bowed his head. “Father, I am unworthy.”

“Unworthy? How, Suvoc?”

“Dr. McCoy sent me an electronic message five days ago. I was studying for exams and did not yet respond to his message. It was his usual message checking on my welfare and telling me ordinary human things. It did not seem urgent. And now I—”

I shook my head. “He would not be upset with you.”

Suvoc raised his gaze to mine. “And yet that somehow makes it worse.”

“It’s all right, son. Bones knew of your affection for him.”

“And he knew of your affection for him also. Is that not true?”

“Yeah, yeah he did.”

“I would meld with you, Father. Will you permit it?” Suvoc asked, his young face solemn and serious.

“Of course.”

He released my hands and lifted his hand to my psi points. “I wish to share your memories of Dr. McCoy. Will you allow this?”

“Anything you want,” I assured him. And it was true. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him, for Spock. My family. The ones I had left.

His hand caressed my face, gentler than Spock’s ever was. “My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.”

Bones flashed into both our minds. Meeting him on the shuttle in Riverside, going through the academy together, bringing me on the Enterprise.

There was laughter and I realized it came from both me and Suvoc. He rarely laughed, almost never, but when he did it was the best sound ever.

So many missions with Bones, heartache, happiness, always having my back, always having his. They were bad times, they were good times. And everything in between.

When Suvoc finally broke the meld, both of our faces were wet.

“We will remember him always,” Suvoc said solemnly.

“Yes.” I nodded. “Yes.”

“Would a hug be appropriate at this time, Father?”

I smiled. “It would.”

And he rose a little from where he knelt and I scooted down a little from where I sat and we embraced, his strong arms closing around me and holding me tight.

The door of the study opened to reveal Spock. He gave me a questioning look and I felt him probing our bond, seeking reassurance. I sent it back to him along with love, lots of love.

“I am making tea,” Spock finally said. “Will you join me?”

Suvoc pulled away to gaze at me. “Will you sit and have tea with Sa-mekh and me, Father? In the solarium where it is light.”

The lump in my throat was there now for these two precious Vulcans. They would be here to help me with my grief and to share it.

“Of course I will.” And I allowed my son to pull me out of my chair and back into the light. 


End file.
